I got the raw end of the stick when it came to fathers. I mean, as I have grown up, I have come to realize that my life would have been worse if I had had a mean or abusive father, but I just had no father. There were times when this was awkward or made me feel like an oddball, but in general I must admit that I had a fine upbrining sans a male parent. My mom did an amazing job of putting me first and making sure that I had all the love that one parent can give.
However, I knew that I wanted to have kids, and I knew without a doubt that whoever my spouse was, they had to be a good dad. On this day, Father's Day, I pondered this while sitting through our last church service at our current church, where we have been now for 9 1/2 years. That is a long time! D preached and did a fantastic job but the day definitely has left me contemplative.
So what makes D such a good dad? First and foremost, he loves his wife. He shows it to me and to our children by the way he treats me, talks to me, looks at me, and loves me. He believes that he can only be the best dad to our kids if he and I are in the right place with our relationship. Secondly, he is a very dedicated dad. He loves his children immensely and in no way considers his alone time with them "babysitting" as I have heard some men refer to their solo childcare duties. He does a good job of being strict and teaching the kids what they need to know in order to be successful in this world and being fun and helping them explore the world.
So cheers to my favorite man in the world, my best friend, my partner in parenting, and truly the best person I know.
Happy Father's Day D! Thank you for being you.
Love, CC
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Mish Mash
My goodness, it has been a while since I have journaled here. That is 99% due to my job and the rather intense project that I was on for a good while. However, our work was worth it and not only was the FDA impressed with our company and how prepared and transparent we were, they expressed that our presentation should be the "model" for all pharma companies when they go to advisory committee meetings. How is that for a nice warm fuzzy? However, said work was exhausting, mentally draining, kept me away from my family, made it hard to get my homework done, and even caused me a bit of personal heartache. But it is done and hopefully it will result in adolescents with serious mental illness, namely bipolar disorder and schizophrenia, to have increased treatment options which they desperately need.
Back home now and trying to be in the groove, but we are moving soon...so that makes "normal" a bit tricky. D has been fantastic and been holding down the homestead and packing whilst I have been toiling at work. The movers arrive on July 2, so I have exactly 2 weeks to get everything packed and ready to go. This includes my office at work...uggghhh. But, this means that I will be working from home from that point forward as our new place is 2 hours from my office. And that, my friends, is a fantastic and beautiful thing. I have calculated that I will gain at a minimum, 2.5 hours back of my life EACH DAY!!!! This will make a radical difference in my days, hopefully making me a lot less rushed and stressed. My office is literally one door away from my bedroom and my coworkers won't care how my hair or outfit look! I will likely have more time to write my thoughts here for sure:)
This morning, we will head down our children's hospital because Meesta has outpatient eye surgery. While I know he will be fine in my cognitive brain, my emotional brain is rather worried about them putting him under, the negative effects of them "slipping" and nicking his tear duct or eye, you get it, all the typical parental worries. He is doing well with his nerves, if only I can hold mine together and not make him nervous.
All for now....reminding myself that life is this good...
CC
Back home now and trying to be in the groove, but we are moving soon...so that makes "normal" a bit tricky. D has been fantastic and been holding down the homestead and packing whilst I have been toiling at work. The movers arrive on July 2, so I have exactly 2 weeks to get everything packed and ready to go. This includes my office at work...uggghhh. But, this means that I will be working from home from that point forward as our new place is 2 hours from my office. And that, my friends, is a fantastic and beautiful thing. I have calculated that I will gain at a minimum, 2.5 hours back of my life EACH DAY!!!! This will make a radical difference in my days, hopefully making me a lot less rushed and stressed. My office is literally one door away from my bedroom and my coworkers won't care how my hair or outfit look! I will likely have more time to write my thoughts here for sure:)
This morning, we will head down our children's hospital because Meesta has outpatient eye surgery. While I know he will be fine in my cognitive brain, my emotional brain is rather worried about them putting him under, the negative effects of them "slipping" and nicking his tear duct or eye, you get it, all the typical parental worries. He is doing well with his nerves, if only I can hold mine together and not make him nervous.
All for now....reminding myself that life is this good...
CC
Monday, May 18, 2009
Shed a Ray of Light This Week
I have a great life, really I do. I have whines and complaints like most, but they are not true problems. I was fortunate enough to be born into a society where I am able to be educated, I have freedom, and I can worship the religion I choose. It is so easy to forget these basic blessings and take them for granted. I just watched this video and it touched me that each and every day I can try to do better for those who need a hand up, not a hand out. Or even do a surprise payment for the person in the drive-up line behind you. Make someone's day somehow and show others that this great big world is really not as evil and cruel as we often times hear on the evening news.
I challenge you to take the time to stop and acknowledge someone this week who looks like they could use a caring being in their life. I challenge you to be a ray of light this week to someone.
Blessings,
CC
P.S. I am now the proud wife of a divinity graduate - WOO HOO">
I challenge you to take the time to stop and acknowledge someone this week who looks like they could use a caring being in their life. I challenge you to be a ray of light this week to someone.
Blessings,
CC
P.S. I am now the proud wife of a divinity graduate - WOO HOO">
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Reminding myself
*Warning, rambling post*...(very much like a paper I just finished)
Okay, I am reminding myself that I am going to get this darned degree and I need to stop doubting myself. I am not going to lie, it is hard, much harder than I thought it would be. The pressure between a stressful job (more so right now), trying to be a good mom and wife, trying very hard to lose weight and treat myself better, puting my school work as a priority just does not fit in. But here's the thing...I do not like to NOT do well. So, I am finding myself inhaling a lot lately, clenching my teeth, and trying to remind myself that this too shall pass.
Today is mother's day...commercial holiday, would rather it not come around. Since the time that I became a mother, my husband has worked for the church and is not home on Mother's Day morning, and so it is not your typical mom wakes up to breakfast in bed, yadda yadda. It is a normal day, one in which I remind myself (in between nagging them to hurry up, etc.) of just how incredibly blessed I am by these gifts from God. I do think of their first moms and always pray that if they are living, that they know in their hearts how loved, cherished and well cared for their little beings are, that they never worry about their security and whether they are safe, that they know they are being educated in the best schools, that they have wonderful healthcare, that they are tucked in each night with hugs and kisses by a mom and dad who adore their very existance. I hope they know how grateful we are.
We still have no idea where we are moving to and I am now at the point that I had reached during our adoption struggle with Doodle and Meesta - I don't want to go to church because people ask me and given my own emotional struggle with all of this, it sends me close to tears and brings my frustrations back to the surface. I went this morning, this happened, and so I chose not to go back to evening service to hear D preach. I just couldn't do it. I finished a 10-page paper that is due Monday by midnight (early for me!!), and am now sitting down getting ready to do some work-work as this is a very busy week there as well. We should know this week though - praying for sooner rather than later!
I wish all the Mother's who read this a great day and to all my friends who are not mothers but who act so very lovingly to kids around them (thinking of you Nik...! - especially to our kids), thank you for what you do. May you know that you are showing God's love to them through your care and nurturing.
AND, to any gentlemanly readers out there...thanks for loving the mommas!
Life is this good,
CC
Okay, I am reminding myself that I am going to get this darned degree and I need to stop doubting myself. I am not going to lie, it is hard, much harder than I thought it would be. The pressure between a stressful job (more so right now), trying to be a good mom and wife, trying very hard to lose weight and treat myself better, puting my school work as a priority just does not fit in. But here's the thing...I do not like to NOT do well. So, I am finding myself inhaling a lot lately, clenching my teeth, and trying to remind myself that this too shall pass.
Today is mother's day...commercial holiday, would rather it not come around. Since the time that I became a mother, my husband has worked for the church and is not home on Mother's Day morning, and so it is not your typical mom wakes up to breakfast in bed, yadda yadda. It is a normal day, one in which I remind myself (in between nagging them to hurry up, etc.) of just how incredibly blessed I am by these gifts from God. I do think of their first moms and always pray that if they are living, that they know in their hearts how loved, cherished and well cared for their little beings are, that they never worry about their security and whether they are safe, that they know they are being educated in the best schools, that they have wonderful healthcare, that they are tucked in each night with hugs and kisses by a mom and dad who adore their very existance. I hope they know how grateful we are.
We still have no idea where we are moving to and I am now at the point that I had reached during our adoption struggle with Doodle and Meesta - I don't want to go to church because people ask me and given my own emotional struggle with all of this, it sends me close to tears and brings my frustrations back to the surface. I went this morning, this happened, and so I chose not to go back to evening service to hear D preach. I just couldn't do it. I finished a 10-page paper that is due Monday by midnight (early for me!!), and am now sitting down getting ready to do some work-work as this is a very busy week there as well. We should know this week though - praying for sooner rather than later!
I wish all the Mother's who read this a great day and to all my friends who are not mothers but who act so very lovingly to kids around them (thinking of you Nik...! - especially to our kids), thank you for what you do. May you know that you are showing God's love to them through your care and nurturing.
AND, to any gentlemanly readers out there...thanks for loving the mommas!
Life is this good,
CC
Sunday, May 03, 2009
Turn the Page
I grew up in the 70s with a pretty hip mom and so I know ALL the words to all the Fleetwood Mac and Bob Seager songs out there. I still have a thing for 70s music. Lately, the words of Bob Seager's song, Turn the Page, has been floating between my ears. You see, I am in major transition mode right now. We are about to turn the page on one whole chapter of our life as a couple and as a family and while change is exhilarating, it is also scary.
We still don't know where we are moving but have a hint that if it is where it is currently intended, it would be too far for me to drive to work. This means telecommuting to work. I have been wanting this, looking very forward to it, but now that it is upon me, I do worry a bit about isolation. Despite my lack of chat here, I am a rather social person. I like witty banter, intellectual stimulation with people, and in general really like to hear others' perspectives. While all of this will be possible teleworking, it will just be different. And, it is very likely that from this move on, I will not work within the confines of a traditional office for a long time. Just pondering how it will be, that's all. It is a transition.
I am beginning to realize how much I am going to miss all of the people at our current church. D has worked there for 9 1/2 years now and we have been there since it was just D and I, sans cherubs. This was the church that saw us through a very long and dark year while trying to adopt Doodle and Meesta. This is the church where I feel comfortable and truly enjoy the people. We will be moving to a place where we know NOT A SOUL. Scary and exciting.
This will be the furthest I have technically lived away from my family and while I am going to be okay with it, I am worried about my mom. She loves to be with us. She drives an hour to come see us almost every weekend and if this move is the one, it will be likely at least 2-3 hours' (depending on where it is) drive for her to come and see us. She will take it hard.
I am both excited and nervous for D as this will be a big transition for him. I know he is ready though and am excited to see him spread his wings and truly show the gift that God has given him. I am a bit nervous that this new congregation might think I am a more "traditional" pastor's wife and have expectations of me. I hope that they understand my work and school commitments on top of my wife and mom priorities (always most important).
So, I guess I am just processing here. Big things on the horizon and without the actual knowledge of WHERE (which is really frustrating and downright upsetting to me at this point...and we already know we won't know anything this week...charming, huh?!) it is hard to process all of this in my already full and stressed peabrain.
I want to make this move as positive as I can for everyone, especially the kids, so bear with me as I use this as my venting location. I am excited, but also nervous, and feel unable to prepare as I should be able to due to the "secrecy" that is being made regarding these appointments. Also, work is a bit of a nightmare and I am attempting to survive it and keep up with my schoolwork and so actually think after reviewing all of this, I should seriously get some xana* in my system. I think it might be best for all!
On a positive and non-pensive note, nobody in my family has the swine flu (rather over hyped by the media if you ask me), I have a great job, I have the opportunity to further my education, we bought property and a garage (odd, I know) this past week so have a "home base" of sorts to store our stuff, we are healthy and happy. Go inner Pollyanna!!!
OK, all for now!
Life indeed is this good...and I must remember nothing really good is ever easy...
CC
We still don't know where we are moving but have a hint that if it is where it is currently intended, it would be too far for me to drive to work. This means telecommuting to work. I have been wanting this, looking very forward to it, but now that it is upon me, I do worry a bit about isolation. Despite my lack of chat here, I am a rather social person. I like witty banter, intellectual stimulation with people, and in general really like to hear others' perspectives. While all of this will be possible teleworking, it will just be different. And, it is very likely that from this move on, I will not work within the confines of a traditional office for a long time. Just pondering how it will be, that's all. It is a transition.
I am beginning to realize how much I am going to miss all of the people at our current church. D has worked there for 9 1/2 years now and we have been there since it was just D and I, sans cherubs. This was the church that saw us through a very long and dark year while trying to adopt Doodle and Meesta. This is the church where I feel comfortable and truly enjoy the people. We will be moving to a place where we know NOT A SOUL. Scary and exciting.
This will be the furthest I have technically lived away from my family and while I am going to be okay with it, I am worried about my mom. She loves to be with us. She drives an hour to come see us almost every weekend and if this move is the one, it will be likely at least 2-3 hours' (depending on where it is) drive for her to come and see us. She will take it hard.
I am both excited and nervous for D as this will be a big transition for him. I know he is ready though and am excited to see him spread his wings and truly show the gift that God has given him. I am a bit nervous that this new congregation might think I am a more "traditional" pastor's wife and have expectations of me. I hope that they understand my work and school commitments on top of my wife and mom priorities (always most important).
So, I guess I am just processing here. Big things on the horizon and without the actual knowledge of WHERE (which is really frustrating and downright upsetting to me at this point...and we already know we won't know anything this week...charming, huh?!) it is hard to process all of this in my already full and stressed peabrain.
I want to make this move as positive as I can for everyone, especially the kids, so bear with me as I use this as my venting location. I am excited, but also nervous, and feel unable to prepare as I should be able to due to the "secrecy" that is being made regarding these appointments. Also, work is a bit of a nightmare and I am attempting to survive it and keep up with my schoolwork and so actually think after reviewing all of this, I should seriously get some xana* in my system. I think it might be best for all!
On a positive and non-pensive note, nobody in my family has the swine flu (rather over hyped by the media if you ask me), I have a great job, I have the opportunity to further my education, we bought property and a garage (odd, I know) this past week so have a "home base" of sorts to store our stuff, we are healthy and happy. Go inner Pollyanna!!!
OK, all for now!
Life indeed is this good...and I must remember nothing really good is ever easy...
CC
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Setting a Goal Date
Sorry I have been so quiet lately, lots of work and little time always seem to be the culprit. I am currently at a residency for my PhD program and it has emphasized the need for me to set a goal date for getting my PhD DONE! It is estimated that this program is costing me $70/day. That, my friends, is a lot of money. Therefore, I don't want to spend any more than I have to!
So, stating here and now, I want to be done with it all, including my dissertation by summer 2011. This might mean I won't walk across the stage to receive my PhD until the January graduation, I don't believe I would be paying tuition during that time. My university only graduates people in January and July, so unless a miracle happens, I likely won't complete my dissertation until summer of 2011. While this sounds like a long time, in reality I know it will FLY BY! I can do my 2 primary research projects between now and next summer when my course work will end and then spend that year completing my dissertation. You might have to remind me of my positive mantra during that time period....I CAN DO IT!
On the home front, we are still without a clue as to where D will be assigned a church. On the one hand I am stressed a great deal about it, but on the other, I know there is a plan from God above and that D is truly doing his life's work so it will all work out. "To worry is to show a lack of faith in God"...my quoting this is much easier than my practicing it though!
Work is too busy still and I have never done this type of project before and there are a lot of players, including my G&D friend G (that is the good part of the project). Rapid timeline, crazy structure, stakes high = FUN....? This is when I thank God for my good job and buckle down to endure.
The kids are doing great as is D - who will be done with his MDiv in 2 short weeks! They are my reason for everything and I miss them so much since I am not with them until tomorrow.
OK, that is the update for now. Goal set, now I know what I must achieve.
Life is truly This GOOD!
CC
So, stating here and now, I want to be done with it all, including my dissertation by summer 2011. This might mean I won't walk across the stage to receive my PhD until the January graduation, I don't believe I would be paying tuition during that time. My university only graduates people in January and July, so unless a miracle happens, I likely won't complete my dissertation until summer of 2011. While this sounds like a long time, in reality I know it will FLY BY! I can do my 2 primary research projects between now and next summer when my course work will end and then spend that year completing my dissertation. You might have to remind me of my positive mantra during that time period....I CAN DO IT!
On the home front, we are still without a clue as to where D will be assigned a church. On the one hand I am stressed a great deal about it, but on the other, I know there is a plan from God above and that D is truly doing his life's work so it will all work out. "To worry is to show a lack of faith in God"...my quoting this is much easier than my practicing it though!
Work is too busy still and I have never done this type of project before and there are a lot of players, including my G&D friend G (that is the good part of the project). Rapid timeline, crazy structure, stakes high = FUN....? This is when I thank God for my good job and buckle down to endure.
The kids are doing great as is D - who will be done with his MDiv in 2 short weeks! They are my reason for everything and I miss them so much since I am not with them until tomorrow.
OK, that is the update for now. Goal set, now I know what I must achieve.
Life is truly This GOOD!
CC
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
That Thing You Do
Right now is one of those incredibly stressful times for me for multiple reasons, including, but in no means limited to the following: TOO MUCH WORK, transitioning the nonprofit, no idea where we are moving to and when exactly, school work and not making the progress I want on the research component, homework for my classes in school that never seems to end, lack of exercise, and on and on. Pleasant, huh?! I honestly try not to be a negative nelly, so I am sitting here trying to decompress and I am thinking of a humorous aspect of each of my family members that makes me smile.
Shenzy: She gives ear massages. Ever heard of this speciality? Neither had we, but she is a riot and it is not uncommon for her to be giving D an ear massage as she stands on her bed during prayer time, totally focused on her task at hand and oblivious to the oddity of this behavior. She looks like a professional and takes her task very seriously. She invented this, but it cracks me up every time I picture her doing this to him. She is the most passionate child when it comes to her love and she freely shares it with D and I and we are very blessed to be the recipients of it. She is a pint-sized package of power and while she is definitely overwhelming at times, it is amazing how well she has bonded with us and loves us. She has phrases of an adult (clean ones...come on now) and is truly a riot to converse with, she is 4 going on 24!
Meesta: He is a neat pack rat. I can't even be frustrated with it because it is honestly funny. If you were to enter his room, it is often picture perfect - but that is the surface level picture. He has always been a bit of a pack-rat, but has so many clean aspects like the perfect bed he makes every day, his deal not necessarily ours. However, knowing we are moving soon, I have been trying to pitch and sort as I have some time and last Saturday was such a day and his room was the destination. I threw away almost 2 BAGS (large trash bags, mind you) of just junk that was below the surface...broken toys stuffed here and there, papers, and on and on. Just thinking of it makes me smile for some reason, the kid is a riot. When asked why he didn't just throw stuff away, he said he didn't know, he was usually just in a hurry - for that I blame MYSELF as I pretty much rush them to hurry up at least once a day. When he holds my hand, in public, I melt inside that my little man is still not embarrassed to do this, that makes my mouth and heart smile.
Doodle: Every time I think of her laugh I smile, the girl has an infectious laugh. She is starting to show her spunk and as much as I am disapproving of the homework tossing situation, it makes me smile that she is spunky enough and has the gumption to outright toss her homework, IN HER CLASSROOM. She is much more complex than she seems. One memory of her that always makes me smile is when we were walking into the airport after landing in Cambodia last summer, right after she has had one of her worst grand mal seizures as we were landing...during which Meesta also had an accident, she was more worried about him and was comforting him instead of having any concern for her own self and what she had just endured. Her heart is huge and she is just beautiful to look at, enough to make anyone smile:)
D: Just knowing he is by my side makes me smile. He makes everything right and is always trying to lighten my mood and knows how to make me smile. He gets me...and loves me anyway...and is my safe place always. I love to see him interacting with our kids, which is something I never had growing up, and it heals that spot in my heart just a bit each time. He is the best person I know and I am so blessed to have him, and for that, I smile!
There, therapy for free after 11 at night. Can't beat that, and I feel better and am just about ready to go to bed. I do ask for your prayers as our family waits for our placement with the church. Our move has hit me harder since I now know who will be moving into our house, kind of like an eviction notice and the panic of where we are going is rising in me like a flood. I know that I need to have faith and realize that we will get where we are supposed to go and that we will be blessed to meet all new people with unique personalities and interests that will enrich our lives, but now that it is here, it is a bit overwhelming. This is where my driven, type A personality is a handicap!
Life is this good and I need to remember it!
CC
Shenzy: She gives ear massages. Ever heard of this speciality? Neither had we, but she is a riot and it is not uncommon for her to be giving D an ear massage as she stands on her bed during prayer time, totally focused on her task at hand and oblivious to the oddity of this behavior. She looks like a professional and takes her task very seriously. She invented this, but it cracks me up every time I picture her doing this to him. She is the most passionate child when it comes to her love and she freely shares it with D and I and we are very blessed to be the recipients of it. She is a pint-sized package of power and while she is definitely overwhelming at times, it is amazing how well she has bonded with us and loves us. She has phrases of an adult (clean ones...come on now) and is truly a riot to converse with, she is 4 going on 24!
Meesta: He is a neat pack rat. I can't even be frustrated with it because it is honestly funny. If you were to enter his room, it is often picture perfect - but that is the surface level picture. He has always been a bit of a pack-rat, but has so many clean aspects like the perfect bed he makes every day, his deal not necessarily ours. However, knowing we are moving soon, I have been trying to pitch and sort as I have some time and last Saturday was such a day and his room was the destination. I threw away almost 2 BAGS (large trash bags, mind you) of just junk that was below the surface...broken toys stuffed here and there, papers, and on and on. Just thinking of it makes me smile for some reason, the kid is a riot. When asked why he didn't just throw stuff away, he said he didn't know, he was usually just in a hurry - for that I blame MYSELF as I pretty much rush them to hurry up at least once a day. When he holds my hand, in public, I melt inside that my little man is still not embarrassed to do this, that makes my mouth and heart smile.
Doodle: Every time I think of her laugh I smile, the girl has an infectious laugh. She is starting to show her spunk and as much as I am disapproving of the homework tossing situation, it makes me smile that she is spunky enough and has the gumption to outright toss her homework, IN HER CLASSROOM. She is much more complex than she seems. One memory of her that always makes me smile is when we were walking into the airport after landing in Cambodia last summer, right after she has had one of her worst grand mal seizures as we were landing...during which Meesta also had an accident, she was more worried about him and was comforting him instead of having any concern for her own self and what she had just endured. Her heart is huge and she is just beautiful to look at, enough to make anyone smile:)
D: Just knowing he is by my side makes me smile. He makes everything right and is always trying to lighten my mood and knows how to make me smile. He gets me...and loves me anyway...and is my safe place always. I love to see him interacting with our kids, which is something I never had growing up, and it heals that spot in my heart just a bit each time. He is the best person I know and I am so blessed to have him, and for that, I smile!
There, therapy for free after 11 at night. Can't beat that, and I feel better and am just about ready to go to bed. I do ask for your prayers as our family waits for our placement with the church. Our move has hit me harder since I now know who will be moving into our house, kind of like an eviction notice and the panic of where we are going is rising in me like a flood. I know that I need to have faith and realize that we will get where we are supposed to go and that we will be blessed to meet all new people with unique personalities and interests that will enrich our lives, but now that it is here, it is a bit overwhelming. This is where my driven, type A personality is a handicap!
Life is this good and I need to remember it!
CC
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