Sunday, June 17, 2007

ALONE on Father's Day

I am alone. ALONE. A state I will admit I was looking a bit forward to as the time for me to leave for my conference approached. But I have been here a little over 24 hours and I miss my family so fiercely that it surprises me. It's just a little trip, what is my problem? I am not sure, but I even got teary talking to them on the phone. This is NOT LIKE ME. I am a confident, self-secure, capable and competent woman. I am also a mom and it seems to be a part of every cell of my body. My body knows that the nutrients required by my body for functioning, D, Doodle, Meesta, and Shenzy (and L and L - but I have never not known them living in Cambodia, but my heart still misses them every day) are not being supplied, and it is going through withdrawal. I will buck up though and once the conference gets going, things will be better.

On to this locale, Atlanta. I took a walk this morning around 11ish and must confess, I was uncomfortable. There were cops on the corners of several of the corners and LOTS of folks walking around in non-stable states, at least to my trained eye. I walked about 10 blocks and then 10 blocks back and I was the ONLY woman walking alone. It was the middle of the day and yet, I trucked it back to the hotel, purse tightly under my arm. It is a shame and I am normally quite comfortable to be brave and traverse about, exploring whatever I can. But, I am not without common sense and I am very aware with a pretty good "sense" of safety, and I felt unsafe today without a doubt. Thank you God for walking with me.

I have spent the last 24 hours reading a book, will review it here very soon. It was good for the most part, a bit repetitive in parts and a little too drawn out for me, but still an enjoyable read.

I think that I might be a bit sad today because I stupidly flew down yesterday, not realizing when I made the reservations months ago that it was Father's Day today. D is home alone with the kids being the best dad in the world. His usual state. He is the most amazing dad I have ever known and he is everything I always wanted for my children. I did not have a dad, not even an "absent" one, I never knew him, he wanted nothing to do with me and my mom never forced him to. This aspect of my life no doubt helped determine my future mate, I knew I had to have someone who very much wanted children, someone with patience and an infinite capacity to love. D is this and so much more. What I have learned makes him an even better dad is his complete love for me. He hugs me, kisses me, talks to me, asks my opinion, touches me when he walks by and generally makes our house the happy home that it is - all showing our children a happy relationship, modeling what I hope for them in the future.

D - thank you for being the best husband and friend I could dream of; thank you for being the best father, you are beyond amazing. Seeing you still makes my heart flutter, even more so when you are holding our children, teaching them something, tucking them in, loving them unconditionally. Happy Father's Day D! You are my world.

I never dreamed that life could be This Good...but it is:)
CC

2 comments:

Christina said...

I am usually a mess when I'm away from my family. (Which is ironic considering how often I wish for some alone time!) And don't feel bad, I kept forgetting Father's Day was this weekend too.

You are very blessed with amazing beautiful kids and a really great husband - and probably you'll feel doubly blessed when you get home. :)

Hope you have a great conference!!

D said...

I guess all I can say is "ditto" to Christina's comment.