How do you know?

So a question has been popping into my mind more and more lately, and I just can't come to a settled conclusion. What, you ask, would puzzle CC to such an extent? It is simple, is our family complete?

It is such an overwhelming question and there are days that I say yes, and moooostly mean it, but most of the time I say no and do meet it. I believe we have another son, somewhere, out there, you know, somewhere. It would be adoption as our babies don't arrive the traditional way, but the work and time and funds that are involved are all-consuming and I just don't know if I have it in me to do it again. The adoption of the twins was very very difficult and I truly likely have a bit of adoption PTSD because of it all. Shenzy's was less traumatic, but still all-consuming.

When I ponder whether our family is complete or not, I typically come to the conclusion that it is not, but that our son (should there be one...somewhere) will find us. What does that mean - well I am not sure exactly. I just have the feeling that somehow we will be notified about a child that needs a family. That has been my gut instinct as I have prayed about this over the last year or so.

Tonight, I received an email from a friend informing me of a situation about a boy that might not be able to stay in his home and I could not help but wonder if this was him. I do not have that gut instinct that it is absolutely him, but I wondered. Time will tell of course, and perhaps our next (and final) child will "adopt" us when he is older, a friend of one of our kids or something, maybe that is what my gut is telling me.

With our 3 here plus our 2 girls in Cambodia, you would think I would not have these thoughts, but we have a lot of love and the resources to care for another child (sans the college tuition thing...) and I wonder if we are done? How do you know?

CC