Sunday, May 10, 2009

Reminding myself

*Warning, rambling post*...(very much like a paper I just finished)

Okay, I am reminding myself that I am going to get this darned degree and I need to stop doubting myself. I am not going to lie, it is hard, much harder than I thought it would be. The pressure between a stressful job (more so right now), trying to be a good mom and wife, trying very hard to lose weight and treat myself better, puting my school work as a priority just does not fit in. But here's the thing...I do not like to NOT do well. So, I am finding myself inhaling a lot lately, clenching my teeth, and trying to remind myself that this too shall pass.

Today is mother's day...commercial holiday, would rather it not come around. Since the time that I became a mother, my husband has worked for the church and is not home on Mother's Day morning, and so it is not your typical mom wakes up to breakfast in bed, yadda yadda. It is a normal day, one in which I remind myself (in between nagging them to hurry up, etc.) of just how incredibly blessed I am by these gifts from God. I do think of their first moms and always pray that if they are living, that they know in their hearts how loved, cherished and well cared for their little beings are, that they never worry about their security and whether they are safe, that they know they are being educated in the best schools, that they have wonderful healthcare, that they are tucked in each night with hugs and kisses by a mom and dad who adore their very existance. I hope they know how grateful we are.

We still have no idea where we are moving to and I am now at the point that I had reached during our adoption struggle with Doodle and Meesta - I don't want to go to church because people ask me and given my own emotional struggle with all of this, it sends me close to tears and brings my frustrations back to the surface. I went this morning, this happened, and so I chose not to go back to evening service to hear D preach. I just couldn't do it. I finished a 10-page paper that is due Monday by midnight (early for me!!), and am now sitting down getting ready to do some work-work as this is a very busy week there as well. We should know this week though - praying for sooner rather than later!

I wish all the Mother's who read this a great day and to all my friends who are not mothers but who act so very lovingly to kids around them (thinking of you Nik...! - especially to our kids), thank you for what you do. May you know that you are showing God's love to them through your care and nurturing.

AND, to any gentlemanly readers out there...thanks for loving the mommas!

Life is this good,


mrsbroccoliguy said...

You never cease to amaze me, all that you do and how well you do it all. Adding the stress of uncertainty... well, now you amaze me even more! And I am praying for you - for peace in the waiting and peace in the chaos too!
take care.

cc said...

thank you Chris, I really could use the prayers as my sanity wavers daily...teetering on the edge!!!

Dedicated said...

Tag! You are it!