How to Tip the Scales

You know the old phrase "tip the scales"? I appear to be attempting to literally do that this weekend. I considered using the title "The Big Binge Weekend of July 2006", but I wanted to add a photo...so here we are. Seriously, I have never ever eaten as much as I have in the past 48 hours, it is astounding. Why you might ask? Well, I am not 100% sure, but I have a few guesses.

1. I am in the middle of a very important and serious work project that required me to work this weekend, a rarity thankfully, but a big source of stress nonetheless.

2. The hubster left v. early on Saturday for a mission trip down south, this means my best friend and confidante is gone for a week AND I am a single mom for a week. Added stress with this because of item 1 above.

3. I am needing to do multiple things for other venues in my life, the not-for-profit, finishing some adoption paperwork stuff that I promised myself I would get completed THIS SUMMER, etc.

4. Stress about the situation with the girls, not because of the girls, more because of another's involvement and how to handle it.

5. I STRESS EAT.

Now, the one thing I have learned about myself over the last year is that when I am stressed I eat, BUT, when I am absolutely totally miserable and can't function due to it, then I can't eat. So, I know all is fine, I am just stressed, but to a level I can handle.

What have I eaten you ask with the curiousity that one would attribute to watching the events of a wreck...? Let me see if I can capture all feasting items, the order is meaningless as many were eaten several times:

Life cereal (multiple bowls), 5 donuts, almost an entire veggie pizza, 2 breadsticks, carrots and roast, 2 biscuits, sherbert ice cream, 2 coney dogs with onion, shells and cheese, baked beans, pot roast sandwich, dirt pudding, and I am honestly not sure what else as I do believe some food was ingested in a food-induced haze. Wow, can one person really eat all of that in such a short period of time? I am here to tell you that yes, indeed, one can; however, the guilt and rather ill feeling will lead one to vow to NEVER do that to again. Ever.

Now, my busyness at work continues tomorrow and I am just hoping that after the events of the weekend will still allow me to fit into some of my business clothing!

On a good note, my kiddos were angels this weekend as I had to try to split my time between a very high pressing work project involving 2 continents and their time zones and my true priority, my kids. They truly are the best.

I sent the girls a note and am thinking about them so much, I love those girls v. much.

Well, I had to document the horror that was my GREAT BINGE of JULY 2006.

Life is this good...

CC

I'm Baaaackkkkk!

Where did she go? What happened to her? Did she have a tremendous episode of stress or overeating or both? Fear not, I have returned and have missed this blog and the cathartic effect it has on me.

Where have I been? Cambodia actually, thanks for asking.

Yes, I will let that little secret out of the bag, that is where my extra-curricular efforts are directed, the country of Cambodia. It is a sad, beautiful, and haunting country that has entranced my husband and I since we adopted our twins in 2002. It is the country that our not-for-profit supports and the country where our older two daughters still reside. We are forever tied to this country.

We journeyed there to build 10 houses for desperately poor families AND to spend some quality time with our older girls. It was a great trip, one that introduced a young friend of ours to another world outside of our little midwest insulated enclave. It was a GREAT trip, exhausting, but great.

There is lots to tell and lots to still have my miniature brain process, but that will take some time. I just wanted to break the ice and post that I am alive and well, just v. busy.

More soon, I promise.

CC

low RI-DER = $17.89

You know the song, a low Ri-Der, drives a little slower...

My dear sweet husband gets me into more "situations" given his inability to say no to things. He is a truly good guy and I would not trade him in for a more stingy model, but it makes life interesting.

This time, one of his former youth group members who is now a successful college student asked to borrow his truck so he could go pick up a sofa in another state...he, of course, said yes. No problem you think, he was being a nice guy. Well, let me first continue...

So, this meant an exchange of vehicles. No problem, right? Hold that thought.

So, the hubster arrives home VERY late Thursday night/Friday morning due to a youth group activity. I ask him how the car was that he drove home and he said "fine, it is a Honda Civic". Okay, no problem, I LOVE Hondas and might enjoy a spin in it over the weekend that we have it.

Well, as I prepare for work Friday morning, D suggests that I take the Honda so that he can take the kids around running errands on Friday (he has Fridays off work). I think, okay, not a problem.

He goes outside with me and my jaw drops a bit, the silver racing stripes left me standing still, blinking as if to shake this reality. You mean I have to drive this to work...the place where people drive BMWs and Porsches and all kinds of nice and varied cars, none of which include a double racing stripe and NO hubcaps. I gave the death stare to the hubster and proceed on to my fate.

To make it initially worse, it did not have a holder for my coffee travel mug and it was a 5-speed. I have not driven a 5-speed for about 10 years.

Well, I should have known that it could get a bit worse, including the LOUD muffler, I later learned that it was SUPPOSED to b.e that way. Good Lord, don't these kids know that there are STARVING people in the world and that they should not waste their money on such silly things that if I had extra expendible money I would have taken to the mechanics and had fixed for him to be kind - that would not have gone over well, would it...

Well, fortunately for my ego, I was running really late, so when I roared into the parking garage, there was not a sole around to see me. I KNOW I sound like a vain bitty, and perhaps to some extent I have become one, but in all fairness, I used to drive a LOUD, smoke-puffing Chevy Berlinetta and then MOVED UP to a Honda CRX. This baby was so small it looked like a match box car, but I loved that car and proudly drove it for about 6 years, all the way through college and slightly beyond and even managed to sell if for $1500.00 after that time. So, I really have been there and can appreciate that it is great for this young man...but I found that my reality has become a bit vain.

Now, to the good part. I had released some vanity and frustration with the situation as I left work (again unnoticed) and went to fill it up with gas, as it was dangerously low. All day at work I envisioned just how mad I would be standing next to it on a busy intersection near work as it had run out of gas...fortunately it was just a dream. This bad boy held exactly $17.89. WOO HOO! After filling the mom-mobile for over a year now (formerly drove a Honda Accord before child #3 entered the scene), this was a welcome relief. On the way home, I even discovered that it had a sun roof - ROCK ON!

I drove home with a self realization that

1) I am vain and a bit proud
2) I am getting old
3) I need to be reminded of how far I have come since my younger days, every GREAT once in a while
4) I do love D for putting in situations of humility

The loud little beast (oh yes, it has over 200,000 miles on it!) has rested in our driveway untouched since Friday and hopefully will be reclaimed by it's rightful college man owner tomorrow!

I realllly do have it This Good...

CC

Asian Festival

Well we have returned from our annual adventure to Ohio to the Asian Festival. We stayed at some friends' house this time, whereas we have usually stayed in a hotel. We had a good time both at the festival and at their house.

The trip there and back was uneventful, but it is HOT. It seems to have gone from early spring weather to summer weather in about 2 days flat. Yuck.

Today is Memorial Day and we are both off work, fab-u-lous! My mom is coming up later for a cookout of some yummy steaks and we are going to run some errands and perhaps go to D's dad's grave site today. I am a bit worried about how he will feel being there, but am supportive of whatever he wants to do.

Update on the Girls: Things are looking up...praying it will work out.

All for Now...CC

Perspective

I will admit it, even though I try to fight it, I can be self-absorbed. Yesterday, while trying to run all the errands I needed before I picked up my kids from their sitter…and trying to outrun more storms…it came down on me pretty hard how self-absorbed I was being. I had my window down and was waiting to go at a stop light and behind me I hear a loud *CRASH*. My first thought, as much as I hate to admit it, was “damn, that is going to back up traffic and I am going to be late getting the kids.” This thought came because I was going to have to go back that way once I ran my errand. After I had this thought I almost felt sick to my stomach and was embarrassed by my own mind. Up until now, it was between God and me, but it is life and it is why I want to write this blog.

This situation made me think about perspective and my mind started running on different perspectives I have observed lately and I wanted to share. These are excellent reminders that my life is This Good and I should be grateful and appreciative and that my problems are minimal in scope to those of others.

*I came out of the bank the other day and noticed a little ding in my mom-mobile and had a moment of self pity that there was yet one more thing that I should put on my to-do list…but as I walked around to the driver’s side of my vehicle, I noticed that the entire side of the mom-mobile next to mine was completely smashed. Perspective.

*The errand that I was running (re: above crash situation) was to see my daughter CM’s individual dance picture at her dance studio. I had to view the pictures to see how many I wanted to order. I was second in line and the photographer was saying something about the “situation” on Saturday and did we know – I did not. He let me go first (not sure why, but I jumped at moving this situation along) and I gave him our name and he pulled up her picture. My heart stopped because all I could see was my beautiful little girl in her pretty little outfit with a smile that could end all wars. I even said, oh what a great picture (mommy gush). What I failed to see was the huge shadow on the side of her; he pointed it out and apologized. Apparently, he had taken the pictures all day long on Saturday with this issue. He saw the mistake; I only saw my beautiful daughter and her smile. I got 50% off the package I purchased. I won. Perspective.

*I complain about having so much laundry to do and put away. I know there are mothers who don’t have enough clothes for the children. I should stop complaining and appreciate that I can clothe my children. Perspective. (BTW, I made about $80.00 after paying for the ads from my garage sale = NOT WORTH IT)

*I rarely have a plan for dinner, it is hard to decide what to make and what I can make quickly. There are thousands of people who would love the problem of choosing what food to make for their children; they would just like to have SOMETHING. I am selfish and over-indulgent. Perspective.

*I get frustrated about the level of “busyness” that my kids radiate on a pretty much non-stop basis, unless they are sleeping. Parents whose children are ill, handicapped, starving, missing would LOVE the opportunity to “suffer” through healthy and active children wearing them out. I should remember this more often. Perspective.

*As I sit and listen to others talk about random ways to blow perfectly good money, I wish I could get access to their minds and add some software to their brains to show them things that are so much more important to focus on (not that I am an angel in this area). I have this view because I have been to areas of true poverty and true devastation. I think differently now. I wish I could give this gift to my friends and family, because it truly is a gift (as well as a haunt), this view that drives me. Perspective.

*I knocked a weed over a week ago, it was obnoxious and right in my front walkway, I was satisfied that the ugly obtrusion was gone. My kids were devastated that it was gone; it was so tall and beautiful in their eyes. Perspective.

I could go on and on, but you get my point. The next time I have a situation where I am upset by an inconvenience or something else so miniscule, I will try to put my perspective hat on and see just how good I have it.

CC

The Garage Sale

It was time, the tubs of clothes had begun to require their own 4 digit code to our zip code, and so a garage sale is in the works. It will happen on Saturday. I look forward to hopefully making some cash, but it will in no way negate the cash outflow that created this mound of adorable outfits. While in the process of adopting our twins, I shopped. I then ebayed. I then outlet-malled it. (Like my new verbs?) Then I went Targeting. This retained my sanity during a very difficult time and made my children the best dressed in the state (okay, tad bit extreme, but not much).

Knowing that we would like a larger family than 2 and thinking that we might some day have biological children as well (confirmed now that this will not happen), I kept all the clothes that were not stained or icky = most of them as I am v. anal about stains, etc.

Along came Miss S., chubby and adorable self that she is, nothing like my older daughter CM, so size 18m-2T was pretty much kept in vain. Out it all goes into the garage sale. Given that no boys younger than 3T will ever be ours (by our own choice), CA’s clothes can hit the garage as well. They are all going. The piles of clothes are enormous and I am almost a bit embarrassed by the vast quantities that I have collected. I have been tagging them with prices for a week now and am almost ready (v. unusual for me who would typically be finishing the process at the 11th hour and manage to complete it by the hair of my chinny-chin chin – speaking of which, I need a brow and lip wax, but I digress).

My cousin AM came over last evening with a good friend of hers to do a pre-shop. I was out of control. I could not, really physically could not, stop myself from telling her the significance of items she picked up, how cute they were on, and where I bought it. Despite my annoying behavior, she bought $15.00 worth of stuff (I gave her a bit of a deal) and I have almost paid for one of the newspaper ads to throw this used shopping shindig!

I find myself amazingly emotional about these clothes. They are so much more than varieties of cloth. AND, I am not even getting rid of the TRULY memorable and meaningful items. These clothes signify events and stages in development, and how quickly life is passing me by and how quickly my kids are growing up. For me, they are definitely more than just clothes, they are like time capsules of memories.

I hope I can keep my mouth shut enough to sell some on Saturday!

CC

Other People's Shoes

My daughter, S, will be 2 in August and she has been our daughter for almost a year now. (Sidebar, ran into a coworker who's wife and daughter were at work the other day and I asked how old the daughter was and the wife replied 30 months. 30 months. You have got to be kidding me. I tuned out of any possible conversation because I was counting how old that was. It is 2 1/2. Just say 2 1/2. I digress...) She LOVES shoes, and purses. If there are a pair of shoes lying about, she is allllll over them. She not only puts them on, but attempts to clumsily walk around in them. It is amusing and sometimes annoying because someone is always missing a shoe or 2 thanks to her obsession. A positive consequence of her behavior is that we all put our shoes away in the shoe closet much more frequently now.

Now while S loves to get a high from other people's shoes, she also loves to have hers on as well. When she gets her Mary Jane's on, she does this gleeful little dance and the look of pure ecstacy is worth more than any future words out of her mouth could express.

Her behavior (I keep wanting to spell this "behaviour" because I just finished working on a project for our EU colleagues where I had to spell in REAL English...)got me to thinking about my desire to wear other people's shoes. Not literally although my friend Carri just bought the cutest pair of brown shoes, but figuratively. While I do love my own shoes/life, wouldn't I love to borrow and wear other people's now and then, you bet!

Several of my friends are stay-at-home moms (SAHMs). The ones who are my friends have a life I think I would enjoy on most days, although I know that it is not what I might daydream it to be (bon bons and soap opera watching). The ones I consider my friends are not of the bashing those who selfishly chose to work variety...those who do bash those of us who work, not so much my friends. These ladies are busy, running kids about and feeling guilty about a not perfect house, even though by my standards I am sure it would be (yes, this is you J and C!). I know that guilt is as much their companion as it is mine.

My single friends and my friends without kids, ahhh... sleeping in and worrying only about myself! Those shoes would be soft and comfortable and I would relish them for one weekend...but while out on a nice afternoon stroll or while dining in a restaurant without having to take care of anyone's needs but myself - I know I would see the most adorable family and find myself wishing that was me.

Retired...now we are TALKING. Several of my colleagues have retired during my tenure at my place of work, and they are living FANTASTIC lives now. They were at my company during the really good days and got some serious stock options that ended up being worth a lot of money. One of them left our state and moved to one of the Carolinas (not sure which one) and is running a B&B, he and his wife's dream. Not too many negatives as long as you keep a good relationship with your spouse and kids and have some funds to help realize your dreams. Mine will be to travel, we would love to travel for a few months at a time, stopping in a place here and there and teaching English. Ahhh, those shoes will be incredible!

I guess I could go on and on about the different shoes I could try on, some might be fun and open-toed with a cute kitten heal, some could be hippie hiking boots, some might be practical loafers. While I might like the adventure of trying them on, I think I will always go back to mine, and my favorite are my Merrell open-backed waffle tennies. These shoes have been with me most everywhere and signify when I am relaxed and able to enjoy life. I sneak by with wearing them to work on some Fridays, but most weekends, you will find me in them. Because they are my run around shoes, they are also most often left out and are not where they should be, in the closet. This makes them the most frequently worn shoes by S as well. However, when it is time to leave, S knows where her shoes are and she runs to get them.

I hope that I am able to foster the self-contentment that I feel with my life into my children, while it is fun to try on other people's shoes in your mind, when it is time to go out into the world, I hope they are content with their own shoes.

CC